This article has been in draft since 19 December 2019. I wanted to write it but I didn’t finish it, and then I just left it like that, but now it’s ready. I’m risking a lot with this article, but I believe it is necessary. Why did I write this article? By necessity rather than choice. I want to clarify certain things about me and about others. It might bother some people, but it will also help some people. I might even sounds like a smart ass, but that is not my intention.
Like I said. This was necessary. I believe it is my responsibility to tell the truth, even when it hurts. And since I’m talking about truth, I want you to know that the Absolute Truth is that there is no Absolute Truth. At least that’s my opinion. Christians, Gnostics, Kabbalists would say that the Absolute Truth is God, but since nobody truly knew God, we’d just be philosophizing instead of being practical. If you find yourself in these descriptions don’t hate me. Consider it a mirror. Don’t hate the mirror, hate the reflection.
I want you to know that I’m not playing a game on you. I’m not here to take your money in exchange for a poor binded “deluxe edition” book filled with lies. I’m here to say things as they are, or as I see them, for free. If you want to donate and become a Patreon, good, I truly appreciate it. But making money out of this project is not my purpose here. I’ll continue to do what I can with Occult-Study as long as I can, and as long as it provides quality content. When it will become a source of bad information, I’ll stop working at this and find a new “hobby”. But until then, I’m here, trying to make a small difference.
So… Did I mention I’m not an occultist, magician or initiate? Oh yeah, I did. Many times. Maybe I was, few years ago, when I was doing meditation, doing rituals, etc. if that’s what it means to be an occultist or a magician (I don’t think that’s what it means). But in the meantime, I decided to call myself a human, and try to be human, accept my limited condition as a human and the idea that only few people can actually achieve something in magic, not every guy/girl on Facebook who calls himself an occultist/magician/initiate (not to mention the goth chick who call themselves witches), who says he is doing rituals, who posts videos or pictures of his altar or rituals, but the results can’t be seen in his life. Lighting candles at the altar doesn’t make you an occultist, just like kissing icons in a Church doesn’t make you a Christian.
I mean, between them and normal people I don’t see much of a difference. They have the same problems, the same attitude, the same this and that. So what makes them occultists/magicians/initiates and not normal people interested in the occult?
I’m asking this because I’m trying to make a point of what an occultist, magician or initiate means from my perspective.
Any of the above terms are, in my opinion, much more than people think. They are stages that actually happen after a lot of work and implication, that change you from a normal man to something superior. No, not a god-like person, but just something superior. Knowing a lot of things about the occult doesn’t make you a magician. It’s the change that happens within you, and the results that magic played in your life. The things that clearly differentiate you from the other people, not your occult book collection or your ritual tools.
I’m not saying that in order to be a real occultist/magician/initiate you need to have a lot of money (because the grimoires state they can give you that) or a lot of great, almost incredible things. I’m not saying they can’t be achieved through magic, but I haven’t seen this happen to the people proclaiming to be magicians/occultists/initiates. That’s not a problem. The problem is, I don’t see any difference between them and other people who are not involved in magic. They also have depression, life crisis, limits, problems, etc. and can hardly cope with them. And that’s where the difference begins.
Occultism, magic and finally, initiation (as it was described perfectly by Asterion in the article Initiation and initiation) are meant to help you overcome these limits and take you to higher levels. So, since I haven’t been able to overcome these limits, I don’t dare call myself any of those. Not even a Satanist, because a Satanist is someone who represents Satan, and in order to represent Satan you must be a good example… and I’m not the best example. Whoever wants to represent his religion or practice, must be a good representation by himself. So, I decided to accept my limits and stop putting false labels on myself. I wish other people did the same.
I’ve had hundreds of discussion on this subject, but I’ll give you just a brief look into what I’ve been trying to say all this time. I know it’s long, but out of respect for the time I’ve spent writing it, read it. After you’re done, you can do whatever you want.
On the Occult-Study Facebook page I’ve posted a message on 14 August 2019 that resulted in a huge debate/fight with other people. It’s actually something I wrote back in April 2017, and I decided to post it here as well because, from my perspective, it’s the sad truth. This is the message, along with the image attached, that generated a lot of discussions:
“Occultism is my life” = “I mostly live my life in my bedroom behind the monitor posting irrelevant stuff like being so proud for being an occultist like it’s something that makes me superior just for naming myself as such, and everybody non-occult is stupid. I rarely go out in the park or with my friends at a beer, I’m overweight, addicted to some kind of medicine, depressed af for not having a bf/gf… and Thoth is cooler than Hermes… but Crowley is the greatest.. I never read quality material, but mostly made-up stuff written by others who wanna make money out of their fantasies which I ironically believe in, because academic stuff is not saying that occultism is the shit, it’s just too much information there that I can’t handle… as for rituals, I rarely light a little candle, mostly black, set up a mini altar with Baphomet images, take some pictures of it to post them on Facebook so people know what I’m a SERIOUS practitioner… but I never have results.. but fuck it, at least i’m practicing, right?
This one dropped like a bomb, and criticism flooded the post. Some people actually went nuts, trying to convince me of their extraordinary results and multiple experiences and knowledge. Others agreed. So, I had to make another post in response to those, which was;
It seems I touched a soft spot for some people, and I’M GLAD I DID. Because people need to wake up! This page, this website… they are not made in order to get likes and followers, they are made to educate. And the previous post has acted as a mirror for the people, and they didn’t like what they’ve seen in the mirror. The post was meant to open the eyes of the occult community, to help people understand the importance of social life, of health, of serious literature, of serious practice. What responses did I get? People bragging even more about how great they are in occult practice. Nobody said “actually I have a healthy life, I eat healthy, I do exercise, I’m in shape, I don’t do drugs, I socialize, I have a girlfriend, I go out and have fun, I live my life.” No, they actually CONFIRMED what I posted. The thing that they waste their time in their rooms meditating and doing this and that (i’m not going to quote them, you can see their comments if you want).
If you want to be an occultist, be true to yourself and be true to the others. Stop acting, stop pretending, stop bragging about it. To call yourself an occultist or a magician is easy, but being one is a different thing. I don’t call or consider myself an occultist or a magician, but some people do, even if they’re a fucking wreck.
A moron asked me “How does it benefit you to attack your own followers?”. Seriously? My followers? Attacking? No. I’m not attacking anyone. I’m helping people realize that the occult is more than sitting on your ass and taking photos of your altar, it’s more than talking on the internet. People need to start living their lives, get their asses out of the house and start having social lives, healthy lives. I don’t care how many followers this page has, I care the content it provides! I rather have 100 good followers than 10000 idiots. No, I’m not attacking people. I’m trying to open their eyes to the importance of LIFE, because being an occultist is more than rituals, books and shit like that. It’s about LIVING! IT’S ABOUT BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF AND RESPECTING THE ART AS SACRED, because esoteric is meant to be hidden, otherwise it’s exoteric, it’s profane not sacred. This is a lesson! Wake up!
If you don’t agree with my position, feel free to unlike and unfollow this page.
74 comments followed after this, again with good and bad reactions.
One comment really impressed me though, when a user named Rhian Jones said
One has to know them self first and foremost, that is the foundational step towards the long journey towards self mastery. If one ignores the inner work and avoids the mess their life is in, doing nothing but praying or chanting for an outside force to undo the chaos in their life, then they have missed the entire point of the occult itself.
Another comment, however, impressed me in the opposite way, and again I need to copy-paste that here to know what I’m talking about.
Well it seems you’re bragging your self.
What’s a wreck? A beggar? The greatest masters ever were beggars, wrecks, drug addicts. Yes, Buddha ate one hemp flower a day, not a seed. Christ is from krestos and means to be anointed in cannabis oil.
What we now have is more then what any human had in recorded history. We are on the brink of merging with AI and robotics as well as bioengineering. There’s even more.. now, as far as going out and living. We should all do as you do? Because you’re happy? What makes you happy doesn’t make others happy. Are you happy being alone? Many people are? You have a girlfriend? That’s great! Is she your friend or a committed sex partner? What is I like being by myself and using pornography? Or my imagination? Does that mean I shouldn’t like that because you don’t? I’m glad you have some one you can trust experience life with, that’s kewl. As far as going out and living, maybe people feel safer discussing these topics online so that image doesn’t get in the way.
I mean, what if connection with people online is better for them and more available to speak of such topics.
So, with that being stated, this has nothing to do with study. As most scholars are nerdy, book worms and don’t care for people as were a cruel species. Why don’t you try to create a state by state social occult forum and or group. As this is STUDY
I couldn’t resist replying, but I knew that if I’m going to answer, I’m going to waste a lot of precious time, but I did it anyway.
This is what I’ve been working for over the last 10 years…..
Sir, dude, however you want me to call you… I don’t know about Buddha eating one hemp flower a day, but I swear that if the information about Jesus Christ was anointed in cannabis oil is true, I’m going to become your adept and learn from you, start my studies all over.
Nevertheless, none of them are Buddha or Jesus, and if Buddha or Jesus used cannabis it doesn’t mean that every junkie is the same as Jesus and Buddha. Your logic here is making my brain explode.
As for me bragging myself, again, you’re wrong. I just said I don’t call myself an occultist or a magician. Does that seem like bragging?
What we now have is a total disconnection to ourselves, our spirit, nature. “We are on the brink of merging with AI and robotics as well as bioengineering”. Exactly! Robots to do everything for us, so that we may sit more on our asses and do nothing, become fat asses and instead of having real girlfriends we’ll have sex with robots. Dude, do you even realize what this so-called evolution means? Do you even realize where the world is going to? Everything you do, everything you say is being monitored, Big Brother is no longer a fantasy from Orwell’s 1984, it’s a reality. Our identity, our freedom, etc. are taken away. And you’re happy for that?
As far as going out and living… it’s not about doing as I do, it’s about what people are designed to do! I don’t even know why I’m responding to this message honestly. As for your message about being by yourself and masturbating to porn WHILE CALLING YOURSELF AN OCCULTIST/MAGICIAN… again, I’m not going to comment on that. I honestly think you need psychotherapy, dude. It’s not a healthy way of thinking and living. And it’s not something that I say, it’s something that it’s clinically proven. We’re not even talking about being occultists anymore here, we’re talking about being mentally and physically healthy.
After this response, the conversation continued with him trying to show me that Jesus was anointed with cannabis oil, quoting from a book called The Western Mysteries by David Allen Hulse, who he said (I quote) “The author seems like a great guy, he’s in my friends list.” I tried to explain to him from all points of view that a theory and a proof are two different things, that while Christ does indeed mean anointed, it doesn’t mean anointed with cannabis. It’s a theory, not a scientific or historical or theological or etc proof. As for the oil, it’s called Chrism and I gave him links to what it is, how the Jews used it, what it was made of etc. After that, everything went crazy and it’s not relevant to the subject I’m talking about in this article.
After all that mess, I tried again to make myself understood by posting the following:
I’m not an occult master, I’m not a magician, I’m not an initiate. I’m a simple man trying to make his life better, who also happens to be a spiritual person and trying to use spirituality to make life better and to evolve. I’m studying and practicing for my evolution, perhaps not as much as I should, but I’m doing my best, and I’m trying to be honest with myself and with the people I meet and the people who read my articles and my website. I’m not here to impress, I’m not here to give lessons, even though sometimes I cross the line when I see the arrogance of people and their attempt to lie to others and to give themselves a false image, when in reality they are totally different.
I am a man, just like you, who tries to keep a balance, who tries to be realistic, honest and humble, but sometimes I struggle with my ‘demons’ and I start preaching as if I’m superior. I may be superior to some, but many are superior to me. We all need to learn from each other, we all need to be honest and authentic when we speak about ourselves and about our work in the occult science. Bragging is something I never liked, especially when it comes to rituals and spiritual results, and that’s mostly because they are based on lies. That is the reason why I posted those messages earlier, and why I said the things I said. Some will understand, some will not. Like I said, I’m not here to impress. I’m here, trying to give the people a good resource of occult material, trying to avoid articles that speak of personal experience (because personal experience is something that will vary from one person to another) but putting more accent on the historical and theoretical part of occultism. What people do in their spiritual practice is their business, the way they use the information from my website or from other sources is their business. I just don’t like people bragging about it. That is all. I hope I’ve explained myself better.
Kind regards to those who have an open mind.
After this post I received some answers and questions which I also feel I should share.
One user asked:
You are clear enough in simple terms. Although I believe that Life is in experiencing..and as individuals. .we all have different experience even if we use the same method and application. .Don’t you think, that, if we share our individual experiences…we can master events better? Just asking anyways..
I replied:
Yes, I believe we’re all different, but some things apply to everyone. If you eat fast food and take drugs your health will be ruined, it’s not something that happens to an individual or several individuals but to anyone who does that. Of course, if people want to destroy themselves it’s their decision. But the goal in the occult arts is to evolve, not to destroy yourself. That’s how I see it, anyway. Also, if you retreat from society and stay in your bedroom all day or go to work and then back into your bedroom, creating a sort of personal world for yourself and the only contact you have with people and the outside world is done indirectly (through the internet), after a while your sense of reality will change into something that is created by your mind, a fantasy world.
Another discussion is one I’ve had with a friend who had a hard time, and I’ve tried to give my advice as a friend, but also from the perspective of what an occultist should be like and not what someone pretends to be.
Maybe we’re not friends, I don’t know. I wish we were. Because if I was your friend, this would be my friendly advice. And a friendly advice doesn’t have to be what you want to hear, but something that you need to hear. If you ask me, a real friend must sometimes be tough and not hesitate to tell you the truth in your face, he has the duty to wake you up to reality with a slap on your face not a kiss on your forehead. I tried to have a balance in what I’ve wrote here. Didn’t want to give you a kiss nor a kick in the balls (or, in your case, in the tits). But I had to be honest and direct. Because that’s how I am, and that’s how we should all be. Honesty is probably the greatest virtue.
Friend or not, I’m going to say it anyway… And it’s up to you to judge what I say, you can curse me and block my profile, I don’t care. Because instead of just staying here and agreeing with you just to make you feel better, but actually see that it’s not making you any better, I’d rather stop agreeing with you and even risk losing you as a friend, than seeing you get so fucked up. Again, because I care. And because I care, I’d rather say what I have to say and risk losing you, instead of not saying and just witnessing the way you struggle.
You have many reasons to feel like shit, because you’re in a tough situation. And people are always in tough situations. It’s part of life, of adulthood. Your friend (I forgot his name) who tried to question my “authority” and “life experience” by asking me if I have kids or if I finished a University, didn’t know anything about my life, or how life is in Romania compared to Canada. But I just ignored that attitude, because I know what I’ve been through, even though I’m only 29 years old. People in Romania know a lot about problems, we’re experts in this shit. I’m glad you moved from here.
So being in a tough situation is something inevitable. But, the way you handle that situation is what matters. The way you view things changes the situation. From the start, when you say “happiness is a little extreme” you just set off with the wrong foot, especially when you call yourself “your own psychiatrist”. And especially when you call yourself an occultist. No, that’s not the way a psychiatrist or an occultist thinks. It’s the way YOU think, and the problem is… you’re setting limits by yourself. The occult is meant to break any limits, for a magician the impossible is a barrier that waits to be torn out, an horizon that is and can be touched. Actually, the latest article I’ve wrote for Occult-Study addressed exactly this issue. The difference between an occultist and a normal person, because many people call themselves occultists nowadays just because they light up a candle and read some books. Anyone can kneel and pray, do a ritual, etc… but LIVING your life as an occultist, dedicating every second of it in the improvement of yourself, trying to become better and better, making yourself superior to the common man, all of this is what makes a true occultist, and this is what makes the difference between a dabbler and a true initiate. People make various claims, some even call themselves Gods (like Koetting for example). It reminds me of a video, I don’t know if you know it. It’s with a guy at an interview who says he can predict the future. And the interviewer asks him “so, you can predict the future?” and he says “yes”, then the interviewer slaps him and asks “you didn’t predict this, did you?”.
And it’s an article where I say why I’m NOT an occultist, and why most of the people who call themselves occultists are not. Let me know if you’re interested in reading it. Might shed a light on some confusion.
Life is hard. You think I don’t know? Oh, sweetheart, you’d be AMAZED if you knew of the things I’ve went through! And the fact that I am still here, still kickin ass is a miracle. And that’s why I allow myself to talk about this. Because I’ve been through a lot of shit. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have any right to talk. But when it comes to hard times, trauma, drama, etc. unfortunately I have a lot of experience. And I’ve used that experience to handle things better, and even help others handle things better. I’ve learned from books, I’ve learned from friends, I’ve learned from the many psychotherapists and psychiatrists I’ve went to, I’ve learned from life itself and most of all, I’ve learned from my mistakes.
……………………………….Don’t seek wisdom in books, on the internet or whatever. Seek it in yourself! In your life! Forget about all the bullshit you have learned on the internet, trying to understand the nature of wisdom. The true nature of wisdom is in yourself, because wisdom is life, and for you, it is YOUR LIFE.
The normal individual is a dead individual for he seeks wisdom not in spirituality and life, but in the oddest places and most complicated material of books and articles full of undecipherable information. We live in this world and don’t have the eyes to see its beauty. We live in this world and don’t realize that it is from LIFE ITSELF that we need to take our knowledge from.
There’s also an old article on this website that I haven’t promoted, but I think it’s important, especially in this case, since we’re talking about balance in life and spirituality.
I don’t know how and why I forgot about this article, but I just read it now and it seems that I really needed it. I’ve somehow become what I was writing in this article in 2008/2010, that is, disconnected from spirituality and too connected to the mundane world. I was 18 years old when I wrote this, and 20 years old when I published the book. Even so, this still applies, at least in my case, 12 years later. I hope it can be useful to you too. So, in addition to this article you’re reading now, go check this article as well: Balance in life and spirituality.
Two other articles that should be read as an addition to this one, as they’re treating the same subject, are Occultism of Today and the Stereotypes (a ranting) and About imaginary results. And most of all, don’t forget to read the article I already mentioned, Initiation and initiation.
Why did I write this article? Because I want to make it clear that I am not and neither do I consider myself to be an occultist, magician or initiate. I am far from being one. I can’t even call myself an “armchair occultist” as people like to describe those who just study the occult, because I haven’t even studied that much compared to others who wrote on this website. I have a lot to study, a have a lot to learn, but first of all.. I have a lot to live and to experience in life! At the moment, I am a man who wants to experience and enjoy life, because there’s also a lot of great stuff to be learned from life itself instead of books or rituals. The fact that I’m running a website about occultism doesn’t mean I’m an occultist, like the fact that one who studies occultism from an academic perspective doesn’t mean he is an occultist. These things need to be understood and remembered, even by those who are doing rituals with their HGA after a week of total debauchery with sex, drugs, alcohol and whatever. I hope that people will start understanding correctly that being an occultist is more than practicing rituals and reading about the occult. It’s about an evolution and a change within.
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.
– Carl Gustav Jung
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